Let your transformation unfold in 2025

“In my own sphere of thoughts and sensations lie enfolded the deepest mysteries, but hitherto I have been unable to perceive them”, Rudolf Steiner. But we deny our true nature, we cut ourselves from our own thoughts and sensations, thus maybe from the simplest and best tools we have to penetrate life’s mysteries.

This is the year of transformation according to many spiritual teachers. If until now we have been triggered, during this year we will be so challenged that we will no longer be able to look away and pretend, they warn us. The calling of our true nature will be so strong during in 2025 that appearances will no longer matter, and we will be force to drop the mask no matter the consequences. Currently on an intentional healing and transformation journey, every single experience pushes me to change but I am also experiencing deep resistance towards my own transformation.

Rejecting our true nature only builds up pain

I have ended 2024 with a few weeks shamanic healing during which the plants encouraged me to develop my feminine side. Or, I always thought I was very feminine and on the outside I was indeed. I truth I continued to be somehow rigid, proudly independent and opinionated, rather harsh with others and even harsher with myself. I was not born like this, but I have become so. And here is the problem; its not the real me. The environment I grew-up in force me the work hard and build an independent life; I have learned very early on that I can only rely on myself and that my family could not contain my pain and therefore I swallowed it and stored it in my bones and flesh. I learned that I can only trust my brain and my analytical mind and fair enough, they served me well and kept me safe for a while.  Helas! there came a point when my bones could not store any more pain and I started to peal it off and, in the process, to grow, transform and become a different person.

The costs that come with transformation may bring up resistance

I have been doing this for several years now but only recently realized how much I have resisted the process at the same time. Not only letting go of the pain is painful, but it comes with costs. For me the biggest cost was to accept that my family might never grow-up and take responsibility for their own actions, that they will never understand that I want to live a bigger life than one oppressed by religious fear and conformity, that they will never even try to understand me and accept me. This realization brought me to the loneliest moment of my life; to understand and accept consciously not just intellectually that I can never count on my closest family and I cannot never share with them my deepest desires and longings, brought me to my knees. I felt alone and lonely and very very confused.

Waking-up is in itself a very lonely process. Most are alone in observing and understanding the disfunction around us, the reactive and so damaging behaviors that have become the norm in our society. Sometimes it feels like walking on slippery sands with no ropes or compass.

Transformation may require us to severe ties with very close family and friends

The path of transformation may mean sometimes that we need cut ourselves from our familiar environment, to change towns or even continents and maybe severe ties with closest family members and friends and accept of disappointing them and in a way letting them down because you can no longer be what they expect you to be. Otherwise, they will keep pulling you back and force you into the same behavior and reactions, no matter how dysfunctional and painful. The relationship with my family has never been peaceful and satisfactory; I have never been able to share my pain with them and I could never find emotional support in them. However, having to cut ties with them, even for a while, broke my heart.

Transformation may require us to drop qualities we love and which served us well

But shedding our wolf skin may involve dropping qualities we have spent a lot of time to develop and which we have come to appreciate and love; qualities that served us and we are proud of. That may lead us to reject and despise our true nature because those innate qualities did not seem to serve our survival as children. For example, growing up with a hardened mother, I have hidden and tried to suppress my sensitivity and fragility; I have admired so much my mother’s strength and courage and I wanted nothing but to be like her. Plus I have equated sensitivity and fragility with weakness. I fact, I have stopped working with my therapist the day she told my I was very fragile.

But the more we reject our true nature the stronger the triggers when we are witnessing this nature in others, be it positive or negative qualities. Only six weeks into the year, my triggers have started stinging ever more deeply into my flesh; it became obvious to me that there is no where to run from myself.

Is that worth it to wake-up and transform? All I know is that there is no way back! It is high time that I lean into my true nature and let life leave through me, let my soul take the reins to mould my path as it meant to.